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Newsom Mandates Masks (Again) in Bid for New Recall | HEAVEdaily

HEAVEdaily | Lampoon News — California Gov. Gavin Newsom appears to have waited for his new-and-improved mandate to take effect to again flout his own rules in grand fashion, him likely embracing the credo, “There’s no such thing as bad politicians, just bad news."

All but the most zealous and devout of germaphobes steam in Newsom’s pronouncement that — AGAIN — mandates indoor mask wearing, effective December 15. Not to be outdone by his own brand of overreach that led to a recall election this past summer, smudging his otherwise gleaming political aura, Newsom was heard claiming, "Two recalls are better than one."

After enflaming voters, when asked what Newsom intends to do next, he wryly replied: “Aunt Nancy scheduled me in with her hairdresser next week. Then, to French Laundry with friends!”

Strategically, this new mask edict sets the political game board up for Newsom’s next recall, which by his own calculation would leave him to whoo voters back with the tried-and-true “raising then lowering fuel taxes.”

This move, a nonexistent Sacramento insider claims, leaves Newsom poised to escape a second recall to brilliantly serve as his tail wind for re-election. "Brilliant," the insider said. "I would follow this man anywhere. To the White House. Even off of a cliff."

HEAVEdaily Lampoon News brings its readers fictional accounts of the world in-full. Through the sting and irony of lampoon we can again see truth so clearly. Remember: HEAVEdaily.


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